Two Birds, Too many. The original screenplay. November 9th, 05. 

The story of Glunk and Matt. 

INT. ABANDONED PARKING LOT - NIGHT 1. 

An abandoned parking lot in some unknown city. 
It's about Midnight. There are old apartment buildings looming in the background, very warn, possibly abandoned. A dark rain is falling. 

There are two people standing in the parking lot, Matt and Glunk. 
Glunk talks in a soft-pitched voice. Matt talks in a panic. 

They both appear to be out of place in this scenario. Matt especially. 
But Glunk has a quiet confidence about her, like an epic war hero when the going gets tough. She has been driven into this ferocity. 

GLUNK
You thought you could outfox me? 
You're a miserable representation of life. 
You know that? 

Glunk pulls a pistol from her jacket that's nearly the size of her arm. It looks like she stole it from Eastwood after he got done playing Dr. Harry. She lifts the gun and sticks it to Matt's head. 

MATT 
(flustered, nearly in tears) 
Look, I know I messed up. I messed up bad. But you've gotta realize where I was coming from. You've gotta realize that had you been in my shoes, you'd have done the same. 

GLUNK 
(even more pissed off, gathering steam) 
The same? What is this? Some half-assed attempt at mockery? Let's get one thing straight, situation doesn't bring out what's in people unless it's already there. And you? Deep down inside of you, 
the monster's resided all along. 

MATT 
That's where you're wrong, Glunk. People change, people evolve. I think you of all people should know this isn't how I wanted it. I was an admirable man once. Please, look at me with the same admiration once again. 

GLUNK
Yeah, that's right. Once upon a time you were an admirable man. But look what's left now after that. A recluse, a broken human being. I tried so hard at one point, you know? I tried to believe the words 
you'd said to me, so long ago. 

Glunk pistol whips Matt with her gun, causing him to plummet to the rainy pavement. His head is bleeding profusely. 

MATT 
(barely able to speak, tears in eyes) 
Fine, fine. Then kill me here and now if that will bring you the slightest bit of closure over this entire thing. Because Glunk, that's all I ever wanted for you, in the first place. I wanted you to be whole, content. 

Glunk shakes her head slowly as if she's somehow sorry this all happened. 

Glunk
(begins to cry) 
We've come so far, haven't we? Do you remember.. the first time we met? We were both so fresh, innocent. Totally oblivious. Now look at us, tired and warn. Short-fused. What happened to compassion? What happened to warmth? Huh? 

Glunk delivers a brutal kick to Matt's ribs. Causing him to spit up blood. 

MATT 
(barely conscious) 
I... don't know. But.. I'd like to think had things been different. We'd still be. I'd like to think that in another life, everything would have worked out like a fairy-tale. 

Glunk aims her pistol at Matt as he lies helplessly on the ground. 

Glunk
(crying very hard) 

Yeah... Yeah, I'd like to think that too..... 

She fires the pistol at Matt's chest killing him instantly. She takes one last look at his face and his eyes are staring right back at her, even though he's dead. She closes his eyes with her hand, and runs her fingers through his hair 
one last time. 

Glunk 
Good-bye, my old friend. My old love.... 

Glunk gets up and walks out of the parking lot and gets into her car and drives off. Matt's body remains on pavement with rain drops beating down on it. 

EXT. 

2. 

INT. BUSY SIDEWALK - Day 2.

"5 years ago" flashes across the screen.

Matt's sitting on a bench next to a crowded sidewalk, minding his own business, resting his legs, waiting at a bus stop. Suddenly he sees the most beautiful female he's ever laid eyes on, walking towards him in the distance. She's the kinda woman that makes you rub your eyes after seeing her, just to make sure you're not dreaming. Everything in the background wilts in the presence of her. She's wearing a black dress, pretty casual. It's Glunk.

Glunk walks over to Matt and takes a seat beside him at the bus stop. Matt acknowledges her with the slightest of nods. 

MATT
Hey, how ya doin?

Glunk nods slightly but doesn't respond. She sits there for a good 20 seconds in silence until Matt interrupts it.

MATT
(persistent)
I said hello. 

GLUNK
Well yes, and I heard you.

MATT
Oh, I see. So, were you born with a superiotity complex, or did you pick that up along the way? 

GLUNK
Excuse me? 

Matt looks straight ahead.

MATT
You heard what I said. 

GLUNK
(offended)
The only thing possibly superior about me would be my manners when talking to random strangers on the street. Which you seem to have forgotton. Now if you'll excuse me. 

Glunk turns her head

MATT
(laughs)
Gimme a break. When someone greets you, if you're not the Pope and if you're not the Queen of England. You're supposed to do the curtious thing and greet them in return. And I don't see no fucking crown or cruxifix, so I'm assuming you're not. 

Glunk turns around completely and puts her back to Matt. She pulls out her cell phone and makes a call. Eventually she stands up and begins pacing around a corner near the stop. 

The bus arrives while Glunk's on the other side of the corner on the phone. Instead of telling her that the bus is here, Matt quietly just gets on the bus. 

The bus pulls out and Glunk sees it as it's going by, Matt's sitting in a window seat facing Glunk and he smiles politely, then flips her off. 

MATT
(to himself)
Bitch.

Glunk runs at the bus with her arms wailing. 

GLUNK
(screaming)
STOP! STOP! STOP!

The bus drives off leaving Glunk. 

EXT. 2

3. 

INT. CROWDED CITY BAR - Saturday Night 3.

"1 month later" flashes across screen. 

The bar's packed, peak hours. There's a haze in the air which is cigarette smoke. There are 2 places to sit, at the bar itself, or at one of the surrounding booths. A few couples are drunkenly dancing. Nirvana's, "Rape Me" is roaring on the speakers. 

Matt walks into the bar with a friend accompanying him. His friend's name is Ryan. Ryan's in his early 20s. white, ordinary build. Both men are basically wearing t-shirt and jeans. Ryan's sporting a yellow beanie. 

They walk to the bar and take a seat. The bartender quickly comes to take their order. The bartender resembles a homosexual Chuck Norris. 

BARTENDER
What will you boys be drinking tonight?

Matt and Ryan deliberate amongst each other for a moment. 

RYAN
Hit me with a glass of pure everclear and some ice. 

MATT
G...God damn, we got a big man in here tonight. 

The bartender doesn't seem amused. 

BARTENDER
And what about you? What can I get ya?

MATT
I'll have a beer, surprise me.

BARTENDER
Can I see your IDS? 

They pulls out their IDS and he gives them back to them after looking. He walks to get their drinks. 

RYAN
Beer huh? You fuckin' bitch. I fight fire with fire and you're sprinkling water with the waterhose. 

MATT
(laughs)
Take it easy, I'm just getting warmed up. Besides, it's not like you'll be able to handle that shit anyway.

RYAN
Oh, I'll handle it all right. Why? Cause I got balls. 

MATT
Your ass is gonna be down for the count by midnight, wait and see. 

The bartender finally brings their drinks to them. Matt sips the frost off his glass off beer and Ryan just kinda stares at his shot of everclear.

MATT
You're supposed to drink it man, not play with it. 

RYAN
Fuck you talking about?

Ryan eyes his drink one more time then eyes Matt. He then picks up the shot of everclear and chugs it down like it's water, his eyes never leaving Matt. 

Ryan slams the glass to the bar. 

RYAN
(groans)
Oh yeah! god damn, That's how ya gotta do it. 

MATT
You're a fucking hero, you know that? A hero, John Wayne ain't got shit on you. 

Ryan laughs to himself. Then motions to the bartender. 

RYAN
Hit me with another. I'm thirsty as all hell. 

Matt laughs. The bartender brings a second shot of everclear. 

BARTENDER
Now, you better take it easy on that stuff. 

Ryan points to bartender

RYAN
Hey! I don't take no mouth from bartenders neither. 

Ryan and Matt laugh like it's an inside joke, but the Bartender doesn't know what the hell they're talking about. He just kinda rolls his eyes. 

Ryan looks into his glass like he's staring into someone's soul, deep in thought. Then he lifts it. 

RYAN
This one's for... whoever the hell wants it. 

He chugs the drink and stumbles backwards a little at first, then sits back down quietly. 

RYAN
Looks like you're gonna have some catching up to do. 

MATT
Well, you've failed to realize something. This isn't a sprint, it's a distance race. 

Suddenly Matt notices a group of 4 people enter the bar, he spots a familiar face. It's Glunk, accompanied by her boyfriend. Along with another couple. They take a seat at a booth, Glunk doesn't recognize Matt. 

MATT
Oh shit, remember that girl I told you about a while back? 

RYAN
What girl? You tell me about a lot of girls, including your mother. 

MATT
The girl from the bus stop, the rude ass girl I ran into a few weeks back. 

RYAN
Yeah, what about her? Is she here?

Matt points to the booth they're sitting at. Ryan laughs, then both guys turn back around. 

Glunk's sitting in the booth with her boyfriend and an asian couple. Her boyfriend has long hair, dyed. He also has his Eyebrow and lip, both ears pierced. He looks to be about 25. They've just now gotten their drinks so they're shooting the shit, giggling amongst each other. Glunk's boyfriend has his arm around her. His name is Ian. The Asian man's name is Chun. The Asian woman's name is Michelle. 

Ian's lines are to be delivered in a, "cool-kid-surfer" accent. He's sipping a Heineken, in the middle of telling a story. 

IAN
(talking very loudly)
So, I was like... "Dude, HE WOULD KICK THE SHIT OUF OF YOU!! YA KNOW? HE WOULD BEAT YOUR FUCKING ASS! GET THAT SHIT OUTTA HERE!"

The Asian couple is cracking up hard, Glunk's sitting there smiling warmly. Her eyes wandering around the bar. 

CHUN
Fuck man. We gotta hit that place up again sometime. That shit was too easy. 

IAN
Naw dude. It was TOO FUCKING EZZZZZZZ!!

Chun erupts in laughter with his arm around his girl.

Suddenly Glunk spots Matt sitting at the bar.

GLUNK
That bastard...

IAN
Who?

GLUNK
Remember about that guy I told you about? The one who flipped me off when I missed the bus? 

IAN
He's here?

Glunk points to the bar at Matt. 

IAN
That mother fucker..

Ian immediately gets up and starts walking towards the bar, Chun follows him. Glunk relaxes in her seat, completely amused like this is gonna be the moment of great revenge. 

Ian taps Matt on the shoulder, Matt turns around as does Ryan. Matt takes a sarcastic look at Ian. He knows exactly what this is about

MATT
Sorry dude, I don't swing that way. 

Matt points to the bartender.

MATT
But Chucky over there? I'm guessing he'd happily oblige you.

Matt turns around laughing as Ian swells with rage. He pushes Matt's shoulder harder this time as Matt's sipping his drink, causing him to spill a little. Matt and Ryan both get out of their chairs. 

MATT
Look man, I already fucking told you. Chuck's the only man in this god damn bar who can give you what you need. Unless you wanna try the Pink Flamingo up the street. 

IAN
Look, you bitch... See that girl over there?

Ian points to Glunk and she smiles warmly. 

MATT
Yeah, what about her? 

Ryan
(completely trashed, talking in nearly a drunken slur)
Oh, it's the bitch.

IAN
You mother fucker!

Ian shoves Ryan knocking him back a few steps. Matt steps inbetween them.

MATT
Look, the man's drunk. Besides, he isn't part of this. 

Ryan starts yelling, and tries to run around Matt to get to Ian. 

RYAN
(slurring)
FUCKING BITCH, FUCKIN' LIL BITCH! 

Everyone in the bar takes notice at what's going on. 

Ryan looks at Chun who's eyes are fixed on him.

RYAN
Fuck you lookin' at? You silly bitch. 

Chun runs at Ryan, eyes full of rage. 

CHUN
Matt jumps inbetween them just in time. 

MATT
Take it easy, I said he's drunk. Now, if you wanna go outside we'll talk about this. 

EXT. 3

INT. OUTSIDE OF BAR - Night 4.

A crowd of about 10 people including Glunk follow them outisde and stand in a circle around the men, like a bunch of kids observing a school yard confrantation.

IAN
You flipped off my girlfriend, you think you can get away with that shit dude? I oughta bust your fucking face in right now, is what I oughta do. 

Ian takes a wild swing at Matt, but Matt dodges. 

MATT
(looking at Glunk)
Now, I'm gonna have to ask you to keep your fucking dog on a leash, before I kick his fucking ribs in. 

GLUNK
(screaming)
Stop! Ian, let's go. Let's forget about this. 

MATT
Hell you doing with a piece of shit like that for anyway? Ill-manners and all I'd at least like to think you had decent taste. 

Ian runs at Matt again this time wrapping his arms around him, driving him back a few feet. But as Ian's head is lowered towards Matt's midsection Matt delivers a knee to Ian's stomach area, Matt starts swinging wildly with a flurry of punches at Ian's head. After about 10 seconds Ian collapses to the ground with a bloodied nose, and somehow his eyebrow piercing got ripped out.

Out of no where, Ryan emerges from the crowd with a bar stool yelling and cussing wildly, he crashes the bar stool over Chun's head, extremely violently. It sounds like a car wreck, and Chun is immediately floored, bleeding from the head. Chun is instantly killed from the blow, though people don't realize it yet.

RYAN
Son of a bitch had it comin'

Everyone stands in shock looking at Chun on the ground. Glunk runs over to her boyfriend to check and see if he's all right. 

Matt motions to Ryan

MATT
Let's get the fuck outta here.

The two guys run across the street where Ryan's car is parked. It's a 1989 foxbody mustang, beat all to shit, rusty as hell. Looks like he stole it from a junkyard. 

MATT
(screaming)
The hell are your keys?

RYAN
(mumbling)
j..jacket

EXT. 4

INT. RYAN'S CAR - NIGHT 5.

Matt starts up the Mustang and it rumbles like a dream. He shoves a cassette in the tape player and shoves the car in gear. AC/DC's "TNT" blasts on the speakers. He stomps the gas and roars out of the parking space, working the gears like a fucking magician, tires screaming like hell. Ryan is passed out in the passenger's seat. 

Matt starts to talk to himself as he's driving.

MATT
Okay, Okay. I gotta take it easy. 

He eases up on the gas, slowing the car down considerably. Until Suddenly, like it was fate. He sees blue lights in the rearview coming at him fast. But miraculously the cop goes around him. 

Matt lookers over at Ryan and nudges him on the shoulder.

MATT
Hey man, Hey. You okay?

Ryan mumbles some incoherent gibberish.

RYAN
sick.

MATT
Just wait a god damn minute, we'll be at my place soon. 

Ryan's head is burried in the passenger's seat. He suddenly starts puking all over the seat and himself. 

MATT
Or not... Fuck man, come on...

Ryan's screaming violently, it sounds like he's puking up his stomach. Matt rows down his own window.

MATT
Jesus fucking christ.

Finally the car pulls into an alley inbetween two apartment buildings, this is where Matt's apartment is. 

EXT. 5

INT. OUTSIDE MATT'S APARTMENT - NIGHT 6.

Matt gets out of the car and walks around to passenger's side of the door and tries to help Ryan up. Ryan's covered in puke.

MATT
Get up man, we're here. Get your ass up and walk, fuck if I'm carrying you. You smell like a fucking leper.

Ryan moans a little and Matt helps stand him up. Ryan takes a few steps under his own power then he stumbles to the ground where Matt has to help him up again. Finally Matt manages to get Ryan inside. 

EXT. 6

INT. APARTMENT - Morning 7. 

A messy apartment, with clothes scattered on the ground, Pizza boxes on the coffee table. The typical nesting place of 2 young men. 

There's a knock on the door, Matt's dead tired, and Ryan's lying in the middle of the living room floor stinking of shit with vomit all over his clothes. Matt walks to the door. 

MATT
(drowsy)
Who is it?

The man standing on the other side of the door is about 60 years old, shirt and fat. His hair's white. He calls himself, "Judge", and likes to speak in third person. 

JUDGE
It's the fucking judge. Who else?

Matt looks through peep hole and sees the old man accompanied by 2 younger men, including Ian. 

Matt looks at Ryan in the floor and then realizes there's no escape. Only way out of the apartment is out that door. 

MATT
(to himself)
oh fuck

Knocking continues on the door.

JUDGE
Open up, ain't no use delaying the inevitable. What kind of host are you anyway to be locking his guests outside? Eh?

Finally Matt unlocks the door and so as the men on the outside hear that it's unlocked they force themselves in. 

MATT
What the fuck do you think you're doing? I should call the police.

JUDGE
(Laughing)
You know what the police do when they can't solve a problem? They pass it on to the Judge. But by all means, if you really wanna get the cops involved. Be my guest, you and your friend over there on the ground are facing murder charges. 

MATT
Murder charges? What the hell are you talking about?

JUDGE
Oh, you must have a short term memory, or did you forget your buddy over there bashing that fucking bar stool over my guy's head last night, killed the poor bastard. And now, you're in debt to me. Now, I see you've already met Ian.

Ian stands in place with a pissed off look on his face, he's got several cuts on his head and a black eye. 

MATT
If that lousy piece of shit's Ian, then I suppose I have. 

Ian walks towards Matt.

JUDGE
Take it easy Ian, the man's just trying to make a joke, just trying to entertain his guests. Hell, I think that's real sweet.

Judge winks at Matt and puckers his lips. 

MATT
So, who are you? And what do you really want? 

JUDGE
Well, I'm the judge. Used to work for the city, then I made a different career choice, found out it pays a lot better. You might say, I'm the care-taker of this town. I don't care for shit, and I take whatever I need when I need it. And you? You fucked up, and you're in debt to me. Chun might have been nothing short of a piece of shit, but he was my piece of shit. And now I'm minus one piece of shit. The way I figure is, you need to ante up. And if that means me blowing a god damn hole in you and your friend's chest, big enough to throw a football through, then so be it. 

Judge pulls out small revolver and aims it at Matt, then puts it back in his jacket

JUDGE
Or, you work for me. Pay me what you owe. Then, live happily ever after. 

MATT
Happily ever after usually doesn't work out so happily. 

JUDGE
I like to think that's all point of view. 

MATT
What if I just call the cops and explain to them what's happened? You husky piece of shit. 

Judge smiles warmly